Rejection is an inevitable part of life. Whether it’s in personal relationships, academic undertakings, career attempts, athletic efforts, creative pursuits, and so forth. We all face rejection at some point. It can be disheartening and discouraging. It causes us to question our abilities, triggers feelings of unworthiness and awaken insecurities. The truth is, rejection doesn’t define us.
Jesus faced rejection
Jesus was rejected. He knew dismissal. John 1:11 (NLT) “He came to his own people, and even they rejected him.” Even His own family did not support Him. John 7:5 (NLT) “For even his brothers didn’t believe in him.” He was hated, cast-off, unwanted and denounced. Luke 19:14 (NLT) “But his people hated him and sent a delegation after him to say, ‘We do not want him to be our king.’” He was scorned and snubbed. They preferred a criminal to Him. Mark 15:11 (NLT) “But at this point the leading priests stirred up the crowd to demand the release of Barabbas instead of Jesus.” In Isaiah 53:3 (AMP) we read of Jesus “He was despised and rejected by men, a Man of sorrows and pain and acquainted with grief; and like One from whom men hide their faces, He was despised, and we did not appreciate His worth or esteem Him.” Because of His experience as a man, Jesus knows the suffering we endures when we are rejected.
Jesus knows how we feel.
Leah, the woman no man wanted
In the Bible, we meet Leah (Genesis 29). A woman whose greatest desire was for her husband, Jacob, to love her. Even though the Bible isn’t specific about Leah’s feelings, we gain from the text the hurt and disillusionment she felt. She is the woman no man wanted. First, her hand was not sought in marriage (Genesis 29:26). Secondly, her father, Laban, through an act of deception, dumps her on Jacob (Genesis 29:23-25). Essentially, abandoning her. Then, she was given in marriage to a man that didn’t want her. Her husband, Jacob, preferred her sister, Rachel, to her. Genesis 29:30 (NLT) tells us “So Jacob slept with Rachel, too, and he loved her much more than Leah.”
Within each human heart is the longing to be accepted and wanted.
The Oxford dictionary defines rejected as to dismiss as inadequate, unacceptable, or faulty, to turn down, or fail to show due affection or concern for someone. Leah must have felt, not only unwanted, but also rejected and unloved. From Scripture we learn she yearned for Jacob’s love and validation. ‘If only’. She waited to be desired and cherished by her husband. She must have felt that she doesn’t measure up when she compared herself to her beautiful sister, Rachel.
When we compare ourselves to others, we lose sight of who God created us to be. We forget that God has a unique purpose and plan for us, with gifts and abilities to compliment and accomplish it. When we focus on our circumstance instead of God, we see the lies of lack of worth or belonging magnified. When we look for validation from mankind, we will be sadly disappointed.
Five lessons we can learn from Leah’s rejection story:
- Other’s may reject us, but God loves us and will never reject or abandon us
Leah was not loved by Jacob, but she was loved by God. Genesis 29:31 (NLT) tells us that “When the Lord saw that Leah was unloved, he enabled her to have children, but Rachel could not conceive.”
First, God’s eye of grace saw her, and second, His hand of mercy blessed her. Leah was blessed by God to be the mother of 6 sons and one daughter. She birthed 4 sons in a row. Delivering sons was the ultimate blessing in the ancient world.
God loves us with an everlasting love and He will never forsake us.
God loves us with an everlasting love (Jeremiah 31:3). He will never leave us or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5). Romans 8:38-39 (AMP) assures “For I am convinced [and continue to be convinced – beyond any doubt] that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present and threatening, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the [unlimited] love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
- God has a plan and purpose for us, that includes blessings, we cannot even imagine
Leah’s story did not change into a ‘and they lived happily ever after’ story. But God blessed her in the midst of her circumstances. Leah ‘the woman rejected’ became Leah ‘the woman envied’. She went from a nobody to a somebody, because God had a plan and purpose for her life.
Leah’s 6 sons would become part of the 12 tribes of Israel (Genesis 49). From the line of her son Levi would come the Levitical priesthood (including Moses and Aaron). Her son Judah was the forefather of the Davidic line of Kings (1 Chronicles 2). And through him, the Messiah would come (Matthew 1). God’s blessing was above and beyond anything Leah could have ever imagined!
God’s blessing is beyond anything we can ever imagine.
Isaiah 55:8 (NLT) promises “My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.”
- We can find joy, regardless of our status quo, when we turn our focus to God
Look at what Leah’s named her first 4 sons and what it tells us about her:
- Her first son she called Reuben, meaning ‘behold a son’. Genesis 29:32 (NLT) “For she said, “The Lord has noticed my misery, and now my husband will love me.” She hoped for her husband to love her because she has given birth to a son. Leah wanted recognition from her husband. She wanted to be seen by him. However, afterwards she was still overlooked. But God sees her.
- Her second son she called Simeon, meaning ‘to hear’. Genesis 29:33 (NLT) “For she said, “The Lord heard that I was unloved and has given me another son.” Leah wanted Jacob to take notice of her, except he doesn’t. Nothing had changed. Try as she may to please him. But God heard her cry and takes notice of her.
- Her third son she called Levi, meaning ‘joined’. Genesis 29:34 (NLT) “For she said, “Surely this time my husband will feel affection for me, since I have given him three sons!” She was still living in hope of receiving her husband’s affection. Despite all her hopes and desperate attempts to gain her husband’s attention and affection Jacob still loved Rachel more.
- Her fourth son she called Judah, meaning ‘praise’. Genesis 29:35 (NLT) “For she said, “Now I will praise the Lord!” Leah realized she will never win Jacob’s love through her efforts. She ‘now’ turns to God and focuses on Him. He is the only one she can rely on, the only one who loves her unconditionally. The God who poured out His blessing upon her.
Leah faced rejection and neglect from her husband, yet she learned to find joy in her relationship with God. As time went on and Leah turned her focus to God, and not on her circumstances, she experienced the transformative power of gratitude and praise. As Leah shifted her focus, her attitude and outlook changed. Changing her focus freed her from comparison, envy, competition, favouritism, anxiety, anger, unhappiness, and discontent. She was blessed with children and expressed her gratitude as she selected each of their names. Leah learned to be content with the blessings God bestowed upon her.
When we count what we have, we will understand just how truly blessed we already are.
When we turn our focus from ourself and onto God, we invite God into our circumstances. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 (NLT) reminds us “Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.” Cultivate a heart of thankfulness, even in challenging circumstances. We need to learn to be content with what we already have.
- Our worth is inherent, it doesn’t need to be earned
Leah sought Jacob’s love and validation. She thought that bearing children was the answer to finding it. It would also be the answer to her unattractiveness, unworthiness, and rejection. ‘For then,’ she reasoned, ‘my husband will love me and take notice of me. Then I will be worthy.’ But it didn’t work that way. Each time she conceived a son for Jacob, we see her hopes dashed. Her efforts were not rewarded as expected, or hoped for.
If we think we can find meaning in life, happiness, significance, and self-worth – in a relationship, a job, or achievement – we will be disappointed. Let us not question our worth, when life doesn’t turn out to be what we expected. In our achievements we’ll be disillusioned when we get overlooked and someone else gets the promotion, the pay raise, or the recognition. Just like Leah, we need to recognize that God is the only source of true and lasting joy, love, recognition, and meaning in life.
We have worth and value because we are created by God and made anew in Jesus. Ephesians 2:10 (NLT) reminds us that we are God’s masterpieces. It reads, “For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.”
Through Jesus we became enough.
- Competition and comparison steal joy and kill contentment
After Leah gave birth to Judah, she stopped bearing children (Genesis 29:35). For whatever reason, the Lord closed her womb after bearing her 4 sons. When Rachel saw that she wasn’t having any children for Jacob, she became jealous of her sister (Genesis 30:1). Rachel offered her servant, Bilhah, to Jacob. In their culture, female servants acted as surrogate wives, and any children they bore belonged to the legitimate wife. Bilhah gave birth to 2 sons, Dan and Naphtali (Genesis 30:3-8). Rachel named the second son Naphtali, “for she said, “I have struggled hard with my sister, and I’m winning!” (Genesis 30:8 NLT).
Enter Leah. No longer content with the blessings provided to her, she was not about to lose the advantage she once had. So, the competition was on. She, likewise, offered her servant, Zilpah, to Jacob. Zilpah also birthed 2 sons, Gad and Asher (Genesis 30:9-13). Then, to up the score even further, Leah ‘purchased’ a night with Jacob when Rachel asked for some of Reuben’s mandrakes – a plant believed to increase fertility. It seemed to work. Leah conceived and gave birth to her fifth son, Issachar (Genesis 30:14-18). In total Leah produced 8 sons (6 through birth and 2 through her servant) and 1 daughter, compared to Rachel’s 4 (2 through birth and 2 through her servant).
Guard contentment.
Competition and comparison steal joy and kill contentment. Did Leah win? I don’t think so. Jacob’s affection and regard for her didn’t change. By entering into a competition with her sister, the comparison game, Leah allowed the enemy to successfully steal her focus, her peace, her joy, and the contentment with the many blessings God has already given her.
Fruit of unhealed rejection
The most obvious area that rejection or perceived rejection harms is our relationships and interaction with other people. Unhealed rejection is often projected onto others. For example, we have a need for constant reassurance, we feel criticized by others when it’s not the case, our feelings are easily hurt, we tend to take comments or actions as personal insults, we are habitually defensive, we demand attention rather than inviting it, we need compliments but fail to hear them, we expect to be overlooked, we are emotional reactive, we avoid risk or intimacy, we have a negative self-image, trust issues, fear of abandonment, etc.
Jesus truly does know and understand betrayal and rejection. Still, He offers forgiveness freely to all. Forgiving others is not about determining if they are guilty or not. Sometimes we don’t even realize that we carry unforgiveness in our heart. Forgiveness with regards to ‘rejection’ or ‘perceived rejection’ is a matter of recognising that we have made a sinful judgement against others for what we believe they have done to us. We need to release them from our condemnation, and choose to bless instead. We need to confess, repent and forgive.
Forgiveness is the key that unlocks the door of resentment and the handcuffs of hatred.
It is a power that breaks the chains of bitterness and the shackles of selfishness.
What a liberation when you can forgive.
Corrie ten Boom (1901-2000)
Only God can heal
In His presence there is healing. Only God can heal the pain caused by rejection. Psalm 147:3 (TPT) “He heals the wounds of every shattered heart.” God loves us unconditionally with an everlasting love. He will never reject or abandon us. He has a plan and purpose for our life that includes blessings, we cannot even imagine. He pours His compassion into our lives. His eye of grace sees us and His hand of mercy blesses us. He will satisfy our every longing in the person of Jesus Christ. We are worthy because of who we are in Christ.
Prayer: Father, thank you for always loving me and never leaving me. Thank you that through Jesus Christ, I am enough. I am Your masterpiece created with a plan and for a purpose. I don’t want to hold onto the pain of rejection. I want to heal from these wounds, so I choose to forgive and to bless those who have hurt me. In Jesus name, Amen.
